Made to love you

This topic that Im trying explain is kinda complicated but Ima try to make it clear as I can. Im an 18 year old single girl that finds love in the wrong places Ive had my heart broken many times threw out my teenage years and there was one that hit me like bullet without a gun I was sad and depressed for 2 years it hurt me so bad I was at the point where I was gonna kill myself but all that changed.
There is someone new at my school who Im deeply in love with we're friends at the moment and he knows how I feel about him but he never really gave me answer how he feels about me. Ive never felt this way about anyone before yea he maybe younger then me but all that doesnt seem to matter to me anymore I love him and I cant help it. What hurts me the most is that a while back ago he told me about a girl that he was in love with and hes trying to get over her but they never went out. Im confuse cuz I see myself with this guy for the rest of my life but we're not even together so why is that? I mean yea we fool around with eachother alot but dosent really mean anything we're good friends and I dont wanna mess that up but he sends me mix signs so I dont know what to think and to make things harder he is so difficult!!! Hes really different from other guys thats what I like about him but hes so different you cant understand him me & my sister try talking to him about some thing and he wont give us a yes or no answer. He can drive me nuts but in good ways only makes me love him more... Hes everything I ever wanted hes got me crushing like a little middle school girl I feel 13 again lol! I wish I can see the future to know what will happen but who knows maybe we'll be together someday or maybe not I dont know that and he doesnt know that things just happen. Right now I dont wanna rush things I just wanna keep it as a friendship for a while even thoe it kills me like crazy that Im not with him. It sucks cuz Im like in love him.

Beautiful Disaster (Dedicated to the one person I love)

He drowns in his dreams...

An exquisite extreme I know. He's as damned as he seems. more heaven than a heart could hold. And if I try to save him My whole world would cave in it just ain't right... Lord, it just ain't right. I don't know what he's after... but he's so beautiful He's such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and laughter Lord, Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster? He's magic and myth As strong as what I believe. A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see.. But do I try to change him So hard not to blame him... I don't know what he's after... But he's so beautiful... He's such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster? I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy, hysterical. I'm searching for some kind of miracle Ive waited so long... He's soft to the touch... But frayed at the end he breaks... He's never enough And still he's more than I can take... And what I don't know, I don't know what he's after... But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster? He's beautiful...

The Fear

I want to be rich,
and I want lots of money, I don't care about clever, I don't care about funny, I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds I heard people die while they are trying to find them... I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless Cuz everyone knows that's how you get famous... I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner. I don't know what's right and what's real anymore... I don't know how we're meant to feel anymore... When do you think it will all become clear? Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear... Life's about film stars and less about mothers It's all about fast cars and passing each other But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic And that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic. I am a weapon of massive consumption And it's not my fault it's how I'm program to function I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner. I don't know what's right and what's real anymore... I don't know how we're meant to feel anymore... When do you think it will all become clear? Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear... Forget about guns and forget ammunition Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission. Now I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner... Now everything is cool as long as I'm getting thinner. I don't know what's right and what's real anymore... I don't know how we're meant to feel anymore... When do you think it will all become clear? Cause I'm being taken over by The Fear